Articles that should never be written

While reading the Dr. Seuss Sleep Book (impossible without yawning), I encountered a sentence that stuck with me. It’s about “five foot-weary salesmen” who have been racing around all day trying to sell zizzer zoof seeds, “which nobody wants because nobody needs.”

Today, I decided to make a list of articles that will never be written. Like the zizzer zoof seeds, they contain information that nobody wants because nobody needs.

Here goes.

Five Ways to Keep Your Baby Up All Night

“How stupid do you think I am?”: An Accurate Assessment

Pouff: Maximize Humidity Retention for Better Hair

Sweet Memories: How to Bronze Dog Mudprints from Your Carpet

10 Things I Wish Everyone Didn’t Know About Me

DIY Pocket Banners: Flag the Spot Where You’re Carrying Your Wallet

Slicker: Increasing Speed and Decreasing Traction on Your Rainboots

How to Ensure No One Will Forget What You Said at the Office Christmas Party. Ever.

Picnic Fun: Attract Angry Geese to Your Group in 3 Easy Steps

Be the Solution: A Frantic Woman’s Guide to Training Everyone to Depend on You for Everything

This is quite fun. Who wants to try? Name me some more articles that should never be written!!

16 thoughts on “Articles that should never be written

  1. “Be the Solution: A Frantic Woman’s Guide to Training Everyone to Depend on You for Everything”

    This made me laugh out loud! I think I have the rough draft of that lying in a drawer somewhere…

    On a semi-related topic, late one night (the best ideas come late at night) Father and I came up with the idea of a generic brand called “Placebo”. As in “Placebo brand pain medicine”, “Placebo brand flea collars”, “Placebo brand contraception”, “Placebo brand safety harnesses…” 😄

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Oh my gosh. These are hilarious. I have a sinus headache so I can’t think of any articles not to be written at the moment, but I think I’ll brainstorm this later when I’m procrastinating on cooking dinner.


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