While reading the Dr. Seuss Sleep Book (impossible without yawning), I encountered a sentence that stuck with me. It’s about “five foot-weary salesmen” who have been racing around all day trying to sell zizzer zoof seeds, “which nobody wants because nobody needs.”
Today, I decided to make a list of articles that will never be written. Like the zizzer zoof seeds, they contain information that nobody wants because nobody needs.
Here goes.
Five Ways to Keep Your Baby Up All Night
“How stupid do you think I am?”: An Accurate Assessment
Pouff: Maximize Humidity Retention for Better Hair
Sweet Memories: How to Bronze Dog Mudprints from Your Carpet
10 Things I Wish Everyone Didn’t Know About Me
DIY Pocket Banners: Flag the Spot Where You’re Carrying Your Wallet
Slicker: Increasing Speed and Decreasing Traction on Your Rainboots
How to Ensure No One Will Forget What You Said at the Office Christmas Party. Ever.
Picnic Fun: Attract Angry Geese to Your Group in 3 Easy Steps
Be the Solution: A Frantic Woman’s Guide to Training Everyone to Depend on You for Everything
This is quite fun. Who wants to try? Name me some more articles that should never be written!!
Melinda Johnson, Writing 
“Be the Solution: A Frantic Woman’s Guide to Training Everyone to Depend on You for Everything”
This made me laugh out loud! I think I have the rough draft of that lying in a drawer somewhere…
On a semi-related topic, late one night (the best ideas come late at night) Father and I came up with the idea of a generic brand called “Placebo”. As in “Placebo brand pain medicine”, “Placebo brand flea collars”, “Placebo brand contraception”, “Placebo brand safety harnesses…” 😄
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That’s hilarious!!
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Oh, I love all of them -Well done! – and how satisfying to write titles and have the work complete 🙂
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Exactly! Lol
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I can see this article in a magazine or newsletter that caters towards apartment living. Himalayan throat singing: The 3 a.m. gift that keeps on giving.
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Wow! Lol
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Now I really want someone to record examples of throat singing on the other side of solid walls, or through floors/ceilings. FOR SCIENCE.
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Me too. I didn’t even know it was a thing.
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I’m hoping my loud laughter didn’t just wake up my girls.
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Snort Repression is an important parenting skill.
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Oh my gosh. These are hilarious. I have a sinus headache so I can’t think of any articles not to be written at the moment, but I think I’ll brainstorm this later when I’m procrastinating on cooking dinner.
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I like how procrastinating is already part of the plan 😂
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Sinus headaches ARE THE WORST. I hope you are feeling better, now or soon!
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Thank you! I always imagine migraines are probably much worse but sinus headaches are a close second! Yuck!
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“How stupid do you think I am?”: An Accurate Assessment >D
All brilliant titles; thank you, I needed that laugh!
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😀
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